Tuesday, First week of Lent 2023.

I started this day off with good intensions for about 5 minutes, and then those good intensions quickly went away.   Today was a day of just feeling depressed and wanting to be so lazy about life.  In fact, I was so lazy about today that I am writing about it six days later.  

I didn’t feel like exercising.  I did pray rosary with the usual brain clutter about everything and everyone except Jesus.  I did work but felt overwhelmed with the amount of calls coming in and worried how I was going to resolve all these issues customers have with my company.  I’m not sure if I resolved any.   I walked away from my pledge to stay away from secular YouTube only to binge watch anything but religious YouTube for hours.  

The Christian life in some way should always be Memento Mori-Latin for “You’re going to die!”  Of course we Christians know we aren’t going to die permanently, we will be raised up on the last day to enjoy the eternal bliss of Heaven or the eternal torture of Hell.  You would think the thought of me burning in an unquenchable fire of pain and agony would be enough to motivate me to follow God’s commandments for. His sake.

Yet, the daily mediation for tonight, second week of Lent, talked about the importance of perseverance and God’s saving love.  The Hallowed app I’ve been using had a guest presenter Immaculèe Ilibagiza talked about her harrowing story of surviving the Rwanda genocide of the 1990’s by staying in a Christian Minster’s 3’X4’ bathroom for 21 days with 7 other Tutsi women.   She talked about the enemies of Christ are always trying to attach us but we need not be afraid.  God has won the battle.  We just need to listen to God tell us “We are his beloved son, we are his beloved daughter.”  I need to ponder His words.

Maybe I could still be saved.