Random thoughts on Lent

Monday, 1^st week of Lent, 2023. 

OK I woke up, brushed my teeth & washed my face, made my husband’s lunch, made my lunch, did all but one of my daily exercises (found equipment I needed after I was done), read the daily readings of the Catholic daily mass, and then I as usual messed up my daily rosary routine.

This is how the rosary is supposed to go.  On the cross/crucifix you pray the Apostles’ creed of what you have theoretically believed since the moment of your baptism even if your baptism took place hours after you were born.  On the big beads you pray the Our Father prayer because it’s the only prayer Jesus said and, we, His followers, obviously have a moral obligation to pray it frequently.  On the small beads you pray the Hail Mary prayer. The small beads are stringed together in groups of 10 hence the term decade of the rosary.

 Side note here, we in the Catholic church do not worship Mary.  Praying to saints is not the same as worshiping.  We worship God alone.  And, when we in the Catholic church wish something to really get done in our favor we hope in the pure immaculate goodness of the Mother of God to perhaps lay upon Jesus the mother of all guilt trips, which she could if she chose. Seriously, she could tell Jesus- “You know if it weren’t for my ‘yes’ your whole plan to save the human race would have been royally messed up. Do you know what they did to unwed teenage mothers in Nazareth back in the day?”

Getting back on topic, after praying to Mary 10 times in the hope that she’ll convince God winning the Powerball jackpot could be a good thing, we land on the next big bead.  We then proclaim the Glory Be prayer followed by the Fatima prayer (optional/Google it to learn more) and we’re back to another Our Father.  We repeat this process five times around the rosary for a total of 5 Our Fathers, 50 Hail Marys, 5 Glory Be & Fatimas and end with the Hail Holy Queen prayer on the little metal that connects the loop ends. While praying the rosary we are to contemplate stories from the New Testament known as Mysteries, but we all know God is whodunit.  The four major mysteries of the rosary are: The Joyful baby Jesus mysteries, the Sorrowful killing Jesus mysteries, The Glorious triumphal Jesus sequel mysteries and most recently the Luminous mysteries which covers all highlights of Jesus’ life on earth since you would need to spend an eternity to read all the books about Jesus according to St. John The Evangelist.   Which group of mysteries you ponder is suggested but not dictated by the day of the week.  The time to pray a rosary is supposed to run anywhere from 16 minutes if you go bullet train style on your bead all the way up to 40 minutes if you wish to add biblical verses, additional commentary and/or prayers to make sure you aren’t just mindlessly reciting a bunch of prayers.   

Having said all this, now this is how I end up praying the rosary most days.

Realize oh crap it’s close to 7 am & I have to get to work/start work from home soon. I stop reading my Time news feed and get on my knees to pray my rosary to ensure my day at work won’t go from Purgatory to Hell.   I start the aforementioned Apostles creed & work my way up the chain with the one big and three smaller beads.  On the first Our Father bead I remind myself what day of the week it is and what corresponding mysteries I should ponder.  I then announce said mystery aloud in my room in as few words as possible.  For example, today is Monday, Monday is the Joyful mysteries ergo the 1^st mystery is the Annunciation by the Angel Gabriel to Mary.    I usually just go “The Annunciation.”  and pray the Our Father.   Somewhere between the first “Hallowed be your name” and “Thy kingdom come” yawn for about 15 seconds.  Why?  I’m functioning on my average 5 hours of sleep plus or minus 10 minutes each day at this point of the day.   At the start of the 1^st. Hail Mary on the 1^st decade think “Man I need coffee” while my mouth states how Mary is full of grace.    Midway through decade two remind myself I have to take chicken out of freezer & place in refrigerator so it’s defrosted by dinnertime. After this brain detour I completely forget which mystery I am supposed to be focusing on mid-decade two. I yawn again before the start of decade three and try and remind myself which day of the week/mystery I’m supposed to be thinking about only to then daydream about a possible screenplay to write on the beginning of Genesis.   (FYI I’m supposed to be thinking about Christmas on Joyful Mystery #3).  I get back to pondering about Joyful Mystery #3 with Elvis’ “Here Comes Santa Claus” playing in my head.  Yawn again in the middle of Joyful Mystery #4 and begin thinking crystal meth might be the solution to the frequent yawing. Suddenly I am pondering the TV series “Breaking Bad” instead of Jesus’ Presentation in the Temple.  Realize the time and rush to get through Joyful Mystery #5 as fast as possible while thinking about the Dallas Jenkins Chosen version of this mystery/biblical story also while trying to mentally figure out where the nearest Starbucks is to me that isn’t attached to a Target.  

Ultimately, I worry I’m going to Hell because it seems I can’t even pray right.  I should be giving my full 100% concentration to the Lord My God who should be the sole focus of my life.  It’s no wonder when I stopped by after work to pick up a few ingredients my husband needed to cook dinner I picked up a bag of pastel M&M’s.   They’re still in the freezer which should be something, I guess.