Back on October 4th, 2023, I published a blog post talking about how I like and dislike both Dunkin’ and Starbucks coffee. I also tried to reference a poll I set up on National Coffee day (September 29th) to see which most of my Facebook friends preferred. I had about 20 responses with 10 of them mentioning they’ll drink Starbucks when they go grab that cup of joe on the go, 5 heading to Dunkin’ and then someone threw in McDonalds as a possible go to place for your morning go-go juice.
When someone mentioned McDonalds, I began to scratch my
head. McDonalds? I always thought
McDonalds was the epitome of the icky coffee that one gulps if one is in a
desperate need of a cheap and fast caffeine hit.[i] With me living in a suburb of Chicago I
obviously have plenty of Starbucks and Dunkin’ on my way to and from my home
where I can get my much-needed caffeine hit if I haven’t brewed up my own cup
of coffee at home. So, McDonnald’s is
never my choice for coffee or the typical fast food breakfast menu items.
However, McDonalds wants to change their bad beverage
reputation; and they’ve opened a prototype restaurant near my
office-CosMc’s. [ii] CosMc’s is named after an alien that
appeared in one lone commercial back in the 1980’s when McDonalds was still
trying to get away with the H.R. Puffnstuff knock offs[iii]
better known as the residents of
McDonaldland. Supposedly according to
the CosMc’s website lore[iv]
CosMc went back to his home galaxy with McDonald’s food and added his own
variety of tasty beverages to his McD’s menu.
Now that he and his CosMc’s restaurant is a big hit he had decided to
bring his tasty customizable beverages down to earth. In reality MatPat’s theory about McDonalds
trying to take down Starbucks is probably more accurate (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DoNzLhXq8A)
considering how McDonalds invented the Big Mac to compete with the Big Boy’s
and Whoppers that were gaining a foothold in America in the late 1960’s[v] and added chicken nuggets to their menu in
the 1980’s when Burger King introduced fried chicken sandwiches as a “healthy” [vi] alternative even though the original BK
chicken sandwich has almost as much fat, calories and sodium as a Whopper.[vii]
If Ray Kroc was the true founder of McDonalds[viii]
as I’m sure he would like to believe (never mind the fact that the restaurant
is named after Dick and Maurice McDonald who opened the 1st
restaurant back in San Bernadino California in 1940) then I often envision him
as the likeable donkey anus that Michael Keaton brilliantly brought to life in
the movie about McDonald’s founding called “The Founder” [ix]
. And there are days when I swear
McDonalds head honchos want to maintain that donkey anus attitude when it comes
to the competition. It’s only the
typical greed is good philosophy that drives them to be #1 fast food restaurant
for everything from your morning cup of coffee or maybe mid-afternoon unicorn
frappé.
So, after reviewing the impressive CosMc
menu I’m seeing McDonalds is not only going after Starbucks but Panera, Jamba
Juice, Sonic drive-ins, Dairy Queen and maybe even my local mom & pop boba
tea shop around the corner along with any Wendys or Burger King or Five Guys
who have that freestyle coke machine were someone can get a cherry limeade Fanta
if that is what is tickling their fancy at the moment. [x]
The 31 beverages CosMc's offer is impressive but looks can be
deceiving.
Which is why I found myself waiting in a much longer line
than I anticipated recently as I made a slight side trip to CosMc’s to get my
daily caffeine drip on my way to the office.
The first thing that struck me was an orange barricade that ironically
prevented me from going directly to CosMc’s. I had to meander my way through the extended
parking lot of the strip mall where CosMc is one of the outlying
buildings. The barricades were put into place probably
because McDonalds didn’t realize what a traffic nightmare the location would
turn into when you have thousands of people checking this restaurant out in
something that originally housed a Boston Market. CosMc’s has 3 drive-thru
speakers where customers can order one of CosMc’s 31 beverages and if they
don’t have paper currency can merely insert their credit or debit card in the
drive-thru kiosk. They also don’t have anywhere inside where you
can sit down and slowly sip your beverage if you wanted to. You have to consume your CosMc beverages on
the go or at least not immediately there.
I went to CosMc’s at 9:40 on a Thursday morning on a day
when the high was 26◦F aka a balmy January day for suburban Illinois considering four
days before the high temperature was -4◦F.
With the temperature extremely cold on the outside I wanted a hot
beverage to warm me up on the inside.
Now, if I’m going to treat myself to a hot cup of coffee at a restaurant
it isn’t going to be hot coffee. I can brew hot coffee at home for a much
cheaper price. I decided to go for their
version of the standard hot latte that I drink when I’m grabbing a caffeinated
drink to go. Like all of my lattes I go
with milk alternatives due to my general lactose intolerance (almond milk in
CosMc’s case) and pumps of vanilla flavored syrup and sugar. The CosMc’s latte was cheaper (under $4 for
a medium) than what I would pay for a similar latte at Dunkin’ or Starbucks. However, once I began to drink said CosMc’s
latte the 1980’s Valley Girl lingo of my youth began to pop into my head like
the one involving the pharyngeal reflex with the utensil you need to eat semi-solid
food which at times it felt like I was literally doing while consuming the
CosMc’s latte. Part of me was glad I
decided not to opt for CosMc’s signature turmeric flavored latte since I’m not
sure I could handle a spicier version of this awful latte.
Of course, CosMc’s has more than 31 customizable
beverages. They also have some food.
Some familiar like Egg McMuffins in their usual varieties and McFlurries and
sundaes with a few extra flavors than a standard McDonalds. They also have some innovative sandwiches
like the spicy queso sandwich and the creamy avocado tomatillo sandwich that
seem to just be reworked egg McMuffins only on a hamburger bun instead of the
aforementioned McMuffin. I hate eggs
so I looked at their bakery items. I
opted for their pretzel bites which to me tasted like any standard pretzel
bites you can find at sports stadium or movie concession stand. No big deal.
I also tried their cinnamon apple
McPops which I liked. I can best
describe a McPop as a larger version of a Dunkin’ Munchkin with McDonalds’
apple pie filling on the inside. That
was probably the best part but I’m not sure I want to wait in another long line
that makes me late for work just for some tasty cinnamon apple bites. I’d probably get in and out quicker with a
couple of cheaper priced McDonald’s apple pies from the McDonalds next door for
the same taste.
I may go back in a few months to try their Island Pick-Me-Up
(A freckled lemonade with some type of powdered power boost) or Chai-Frappé with
cinnamon sprinkled boba pearls. I don’t
think it’s worth waiting in an hour-long line to grab a beverage that is only
slightly warmer than the air temperature outside. But for now, I’m still going
to opt for my usual Dunkin’ oat milk caramel medium latte if I’m making a
coffee run.
And that’s my random thoughts about CosMc’s.
